Amen University
Relationships have their ups and downs. Some days they feel amazing while other days can be tough—but that’s completely normal! The natural ebbs and flows, emotional challenges to moments of joy, can feel uncertain at times.
However, it doesn’t have to lead to dissatisfaction or disconnection with the people you love. Everyone wants to learn how to build a stronger relationship. Fortunately, all you need are a few relationship happiness tips and a straightforward approach that works.
In this blog, you’ll learn a simple trick that will help enhance genuine connection, foster deeper bonds, build trust, strengthen mutual respect, and improve communication in relationships. It’s called RELATING, and it will help achieve a happier relationship with the people you love.
RELATING FOR BETTER RELATIONSHIPS
RELATING is an acronym that can help you remember better ways to communicate with loved ones. When you put RELATING into action, you’ll enjoy more peaceful, fulfilling connections.
R for Responsibility
The first step is taking responsibility in relationships. This means acknowledging your role in both the positive and negative dynamics. When you can avoid the blame game, you can foster a healthier environment where you feel empowered to effect change.
If you perceive yourself as helpless or have a victim mentality, it can lead to feelings of distress, anxiety, depression, resentment, helplessness, and hopelessness.
Reflecting on your own contributions during conflicts or misunderstandings allows for personal growth. From there, practice evaluating past interactions when you’ve blamed the other person in a disagreement.
To make this first step count, examine your actions and reactions so you can identify ways to improve your relationship and approach future situations differently.
E for Empathy
Empathy is about understanding and sharing the feelings of another to create a deeper connection between partners and friends. In sharing that empathy, your brain does something amazing.
The brain contains mirror neurons that enable us to "read" and mimic each other's emotions—think yawning when someone else yawns or laughing when another person laughs. This ability to connect becomes even more crucial when people have different brain types or perspectives.
If you want to strengthen your self-awareness and cultivate deeper empathy, consider these relationship happiness tips:
- Identify Their Joys and Sorrows: Write down what makes your loved one happy and unhappy.
- Adopt Their Perspective: Try filtering situations through your partner's point of view.
- Mirror Body Language: Observe their natural body language and try genuinely mirroring it to create rapport.
Research indicates that partners who understand and empathize with each other's feelings experience higher relationship satisfaction.
L for Listening
Effective communication is the cornerstone of how to have a happy relationship. Active listening is one of the most vital ways to improve your relationship.
Poor communication habits, such as interrupting to say your peace, thinking about your response instead of listening to theirs, or finishing your partner's sentences, can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.
Some habits of happy couples can include:
- Listening Without Interrupting: Allow your partner to express themselves fully before responding. You can even establish a rule of counting for three seconds after they’ve shared to give your thoughts.
- Reflecting and Clarifying: Repeat back to them what you heard and ask for clarification to ensure understanding. This lets them know you’re engaged in the conversation.
- Being Present: Focus entirely on your person during these conversations and avoid distractions. Put your phone face down away from you and look them in the eyes as they share, and you respond.
A study revealed that couples who participated in programs designed to improve communication in relationships reported higher levels of marital happiness, reduced instances of conflict, and lower levels of distress.
A for Assertiveness
Being assertive doesn’t mean being too blunt or rude to get your point across. Assertiveness means expressing your thoughts and feelings openly and respectfully to better understand each other.
You can do this without allowing others to overshadow your needs or saying “yes” when you mean “no.” Here are five rules for healthy assertiveness:
Rule #1: Resist Giving in to Anger
Do not concede to others' anger simply because it makes you uncomfortable.
Rule #2: Speak Your Truth
Say what you mean and stand up for what you believe is right.
Rule #3: Maintain Self-Control
Being angry, mean, or rude is not being assertive; it's being aggressive.
Rule #4: Be Firm and Kind
Assert your needs while remaining considerate.
Rule #5: Assert When Necessary
Use assertiveness selectively, focusing on important matters.
When you can be more assertive in your relationships, you’re more likely to have higher satisfaction and reduce the likelihood of resentment building up over time. Couples who practice assertiveness tend to navigate conflicts more effectively, leading to more harmonious relationships.
T for Time
You may have heard that spending quality time with your partner can be a type of love language. Though everyone needs connection in all kinds of ways, investing quality time in your relationships is essential for maintaining a strong bond.
However, finding time when you can focus solely on each other without distractions can be easier said than done. Use the following ideas to help you be more intentional with your quality time and reinforce your connection.
➔ Schedule Regular Dates: Take the time to sit together and have fun choosing activities you both enjoy and planning them on your calendar every week or month.
➔ Spend Time Outdoors Together: Natural sunlight can do wonders for your health. In fact, research shows that walking or hiking together can help you bond and regulate your nervous systems.
➔ Be Present: Learning how to stay in the moment can keep you both from dwelling on the past or worrying about the future too much.
➔ Disconnect from Devices: Learn to balance your digital device usage by turning off your phones to minimize distractions and better focus on your time together.
➔ Foster Romance: If you’re in a committed relationship, make time for intimacy. Show that you’re thinking about each other in ways that aren’t overtly sexual and purely thoughtful of what the other person needs.
A survey involving 2,000 people found that 73% view travel as the ultimate relationship test. If you’re open, traveling together can strengthen your bond and reignite romance in a uniqely shared experience.
I for Inquiry
Negative thinking patterns can sabotage relationships without conscious awareness. Oftentimes, it comes from excessive anxiety that can be hard overcome on your own. Challenging those distressing thoughts through genuine inquiry involves asking yourself these five questions:
- Is it true?
- Is it absolutely true?
- How do I feel when I have this thought?
- How would I feel if I didn’t have this thought?
- What’s a more balanced or helpful way to think about this situation?
You can challenge those automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) so you can prevent them from damaging your relationships. For example, if your partner forgets an important date, don’t just assume they don’t care.
You can challenge this thought and consider alternative explanations, like a busy schedule or excessive stress, and then communicate with them in safe and open way.
N for Noticing What You Like More Than What You Don’t
It’s easy to focus on what frustrates you, but shifting your focus to what you appreciate can make for a more positive dynamic. Neuroscience research shows that when we recognize and express gratitude, it strengthens relationship bonds.
Try these strategies to fortify your gratitude within yourself and for others:
- Keep a Gratitude Journal: Write down three things you appreciate about your partner each day. You can go a step further by sharing something you appreciate that they did for you every week on date night.
- Verbally Express Appreciation: A simple "thank you" can go a long way to show you see them and their contributions.
- Reinforce Positive Behavior: Acknowledge when your partner does something you like to encourage more of that behavior.
According to Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, happy couples maintain a “magic ratio” of 5:1 in their positive to negative interactions. This just means that for every one negative interaction, there are at least five positive ones.
G for Grace & Forgiveness
Holding onto grudges can erode even the strongest relationships. Practicing grace and forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re condoning any bad behavior. Instead, you’re choosing to let go of resentment for your own mental health and their well-being.
Forgiveness is another relationship happiness tips that can:
- Reduce stress and anxiety
- Improve emotional connection
- Promote long-term relationship satisfaction
According to research, couples who regularly practiced forgiveness have higher levels of marital satisfaction, less instances of loneliness, and overall happiness.
START RELATING TODAY
If you want to build a stronger relationship, start RELATING today. It can help you deepen connection, resolve conflicts with compassion, and create lasting happiness.
Learn more about RELATING and other strategies to achieve happier relationships in Amen University’s 30-Day Happiness Challenge Course.
